I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
