Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
