Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
