i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize