I could have mohawked her pubes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
