but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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