Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
