I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize