Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
