somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
