I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
