just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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