Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
