i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
