You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
