Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
