i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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