What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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