I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
