There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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