I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
