He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
