Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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