Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
