His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize