I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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