Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
