i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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