i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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