i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize