capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
