It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
