So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
