Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
