he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
