Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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