you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
