It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
