I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
