***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
