Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
