just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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