My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
