I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
