I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
