One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
