I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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