Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
