i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
