It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
