When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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