News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
NoShamevember. You game?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
