Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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