Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
