Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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