Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
