with your own penis?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize