Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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