I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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