I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
