I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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