ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
