I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize