Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
