Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
