Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
