I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
