your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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