Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
