Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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