Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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