I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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