Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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