I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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