barbara walters just said penis...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
