I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
