If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
