Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
