Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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