I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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