you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
