I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
