We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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