I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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