I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
