Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
