I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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