This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
