There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
