i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
