I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
