saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
