That's when you crack a 10am beer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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