i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
