Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
