i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You don't make any sense
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