Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
