Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
