Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
as a side note pls kill me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
