There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
