is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize