we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
