clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize