just come out here and I will go home with you...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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