did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
