i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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