This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
