fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
